The Phrases from A Dad That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider inability to talk among men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."